sábado, 5 de julho de 2014

I love animals but not in my home

Yes it's true. Just the simple fact of thinking of having a animal inside my home gives me goosebumps! But please don't get me wrong I love all animals and if I could save all the abused & neglected animals in the world I would.
As I was growing up I remember having dogs we had a small jack Russell and  quite a few German Shepard's/ Alsatian dogs and one Staffordshire Terrier that by the time both my father and brother thought it was a Labrador and I believed it as well, only years after I would realise that my beloved Blackie was in fact a Staffordshire Terrier . Oh yes we had all those dogs and even a tortoise but at different times and spaces, you see, we were always on the move, we would not only move house, city or town, we moved from country to country; why? I don't know the only person who could answer that, would be my father but he never answered. About the Jack Russell, I will always live with this sense of guilt and sorrow for what I did to that dog. I think I was six years old, (+/-) I was alone at home and in the garden there was a pool and that pool was empty, it wasn't a big pool but it was big enough. I remember playing with the dog like, carrying him like a baby or a doll and then just out of the blue I threw the dog in to the empty pool! I was so distressed, I went in the house and grabbed an orange and the biggest knife I could find, held the orange on my left palm and with the knife in my right hand just slashed the orange in half but I ended slashing my hand as well, there was blood all over the place, my parents came home and saw all the havoc me hold my bleeding hand the dog whimpering in pain inside the dammed pool, I was terrified. They asked me how the dog 
Fell in to the pool and I kept saying I didn't know. The dog had broken his leg and must've suffered internal bleeding or something because he died shortly after. I can't even describe the remorse, the guilt and emotional pain that I felt, all the dogs we had ended up being given away to neighbours or to the shelter or even worse dying horrible deaths my beloved Staffordshire terrier was killed by a military jeep by accident in 1979, I only found out in 1982 when my parents came to see me in 
Portugal. In Portugal the person I was living with had a dog called Hurricane, that dog was very aggressive to strangers & even to Js relatives & friends but I caught his affection and we became inseparable.



(Only the photos of the cat are in fact of my lost cat " Fluffy" he went missing in June 2013 all the other photos were downloaded  from the internet) J. Would beat Hurricane very often when he was drunk which was most of the times, he would kick and punch the dogs head that he ended up dying of brain tumour he died with his head placed on  top of my knees as I tried to comfort him by gently patting his head and nose(face) I couldn't stop crying & J. Also cried because in spite of what he did to the dog when he was drunk, he really loved him we buried him in the farm behind the slum where we lived near a pond where I would take him when I took a walk and he loved diving in to that pond we would spend hours over that farm, every time J would beat me the dog would jump in my defence ending up being beaten savagely by J because he would jump to defend me but he would never attack it's master so he would let himself be beaten to protect me. My last pet was a black and white male cat given to me when he was only a baby kitten by an acquaintance, friend of a friend, I lived in a maisonette here in England, Bridgwater Somerset, but I had the most awful neighbours right next door and they would complain and moan just about everything and anything, they hated my cat and one day last year (2013) my cat just disappeared.
That is probably the reason why I do not want pets in my house or my possession I just can not bear the thought of loosing another friend because the only real friends I've had in this life were the pets I had. I stop here because I'm so overwhelmed with grief that I can't write any more I can't stop sobbing just thinking of all those poor animals that suffered God only knows what fates.
Feel free to comment and ask questions, share your story if you've had one





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